Showing vs Telling 
The Concept: When writing a college essay, we have a limited space—650 words or just a few minutes of reading time—to bridge the gap between the writer and the reader. The goal is to connect with the admissions officer so deeply that the distance between their world and ours fades away.
Analysis: The admissions officer reads thousands of essays, and your ability to make them feel personally connected to your story is what can make your application stand out. Achieving this level of connection requires engaging writing that draws the reader into your experiences, emotions, and personal growth. It’s not just about what you say but how you say it. This is where “showing” instead of “telling” plays a pivotal role.
Showing vs. Telling: Basic Level (Descriptions) – The first layer of showing vs. telling comes with using descriptions and narration to immerse the reader in your story. Descriptions help situate the reader, giving them a sense of place, time, and emotion.
BAD Example: “I was excited to leave my house so I opened the door, and it was cold outside.” Here, the writing is flat and overly processed. It summarizes the action instead of painting a picture of the moment. The reader doesn’t get to experience the excitement or the cold firsthand because they are being told what happened rather than shown.
GOOD Example: “I quickly ran down the stairs and flung open my front door, and was hit by a sudden burst of frigid air.“ This example begins to show instead of tell. The verbs (“ran down,” “flung open”) add energy, while “burst of frigid air” gives the reader a sensory detail to connect with.
GREAT Example: “Skipping three steps at a time, I practically hurdled myself to the first floor before wrapping my fingers around the doorknob and pushing, only to be greeted by an impressive icicle staring me in the face.” Here, the writing becomes vibrant and specific. The excitement is shown through “skipping three steps” and “practically hurdled,” while the description of the icicle adds vivid imagery to the cold.
Showing vs. Telling: Complex Level (Growth) – Beyond descriptions, showing vs. telling applies to the way we illustrate personal growth and transformation in our essays. A compelling essay doesn’t just describe change; it immerses the reader in the process of change itself.
BAD Example: “I was upset that my friend and I were drifting apart. So I started working harder to make us closer, and we became better friends again.” This example summarizes the growth without illustrating it. The reader is left with no sense of the emotional journey, the specific actions taken, or the stakes involved.
GREAT Example: “Soon, weeks at a time seemed to go by with merely basic pleasantries exchanged, our once-packed iMessages now barren save for the occasional emoji. Determined to reverse this isolating trend, I started small: a casual text here, a quick phone call there. Slowly, these moments built into longer conversations, late-night FaceTime calls, and plans that reminded us of the friendship we’d built. It wasn’t easy—I often worried about overstepping or seeming desperate—but each small gesture added up, and eventually, we found our rhythm again.”
Final Thoughts: Showing vs. telling is about inviting the reader into your world, letting them experience your story as if they were there. Through vivid descriptions and immersive narratives, you can bridge the gap between writer and reader, leaving a lasting impression that stands out in a competitive admissions process. Always ask yourself: Am I helping the reader see, feel, and understand my experience, or am I simply summarizing it?